Friday, July 11, 2008

...And It Is All We Have.

When I decided to start a new blog, I spent a lot of time thinking about what to call it. As an English teacher and a lover of literature, I immediately called up some of the words that have inspired me over the years. One of my favorite quotes comes from Natalie Goldberg. "Each moment is enormous, and it is all we have."

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am not a "carpe diem," sieze the day, kind of girl. If I had to choose whether I lived in the past, the present or the future, I would have to say that up until recently, I was always a resident of the future. I am a planner by nature, and if it's Tuesday, I am thinking ahead to Friday. If it's 10:00 a.m., I am already looking forward to the p.m. hours. Planning for the future isn't necessarily a bad thing unless it prevents one from being present in the moment and enjoying the here and now. Of that I have been guilty. That's one of the reasons, one of the many reasons, it was a very good thing I married Richard. He is much better at taking advantage of the present than I am, and over the last several years, he has coaxed me into being more spontaneous, certainly a positive although sometimes painful change.

Recent changes in our lives, namely the arrival of our daughter Isabel, have pushed me even more to live in the now. I want to soak up every moment with her and revel in it. I don't want to miss a word, a gesture, a facial expression because I wasn't paying attention. Instead of planning for my week, I now view life in three hour chunks, and I spend a lot less time worrying about what is going to get done and when because really, a lot of the stuff that I used to agonize over just doesn't matter in the bigger scheme. Oh, I still write appointments down on my calendar. And yes, we are starting a 529 College Fund for Isabel because you can't completely disregard the future. And of course I can't help but think about how much longer we will have to wait for our second daughter, Madeleine, to come home. Old habits die hard, so I do still find myself fretting about tomorrow sometimes, but I'm really trying, and you know what? I think I'm happier. Yeah, I really think I am.


Lesa said...

Love the new blog. I didn't know they had new choices.

Love the title too.


Susan said...

Cheers to you, my friend. I need to take your lead and try harder to live in the present. Roger does the same for me, but so often I fight it. Plan. Plan. Plan. And, you know what they say about the best laid plans! Old habits die hard, but what you've learned to live by is priceless. Wish me luck with the same.

Thanks for sharing. Love the new look too!

Have a wonderful weekend, spent in 3 hour increments of joy.


M & M said...

Yeah !!! Glad you joined the "design a new blog" land with all of us....I had no idea they had this is nice. Im am with you is hard to live in the now but one thing I have been trying to do myself.

Lynn said...

No words necessary. Love you, my friend.